Whey in Wednesday: Turtles and Peanut Butter

It’s a cold morning in March, 2012.  I was sitting in my pick-up with the engine running, waiting.  A week earlier I had googled looking for running coaches.  The goals were to get back into my favorite pair of jeans, and slow down the late night meetings where Carolina BBQ dinners are served physique.  Never ran a mile solid, never cared to run a mile solid.  

The lady I had decided to meet with was a marathoner, certified track coach, triathlete, and personal trainer.  Meeting with a less than one miler.  I had spent the previous night staring at the weather channel.  They had called for sleet and ice first thing and I was desperately hoping she would cancel and reschedule.  I out-prayed all of the school kids that night.  She e-mailed at 5:00 am telling me where to meet her.  No snow.  No ice.  I met her at the Neuse River Trail at 6:30am.  

The Neuse River Trail is now one of my favorite spots to bike and run.

I was fine for the first mile running and walking at intervals.  Coach Lou Ann casually chatted with me as we bounced along.  She told me about her family and was kindly asking me questions about my personal life.  It seemed so effortless for her while I felt like I literally drowning trying to keep up and attempt to not sound like a catfish out of water.  I knew we were moving slow, much slower than her normal pace.  I felt defeated.  I was wasting this sweet lady's time.    

About halfway through our second mile I realized I had a more serious problem than my shredded lungs.  The bottom of my gut was about to drop out.  The Neuse River Trail is scenic which means no bathroom facilities.  Not even a port-a-john.  Surprising given it borders several expensive neighborhoods in the Wakefield area of North Raleigh.  I desperately scanned the woods for a semi-private misery spot.  There was a black canvas blocking a tree protection area off the trail a little ways.  I cut Lou Ann off mid sentence and sprinted for the woods.  I should have been a hurdle jumper the way I cleared that canvas.  Looking up from my position of shame I saw someone's multi-million dollar home and people running and cycling less than 8 feet away.   Pretty sure someone had a glare on their security camera from my white rear-end shining. On the way back over the canvas wall following my moment I caught my yoga pants on a canvas spike. (What happened to my mad jumping skills?) It didn't tear my pants but it tore my thigh.  As I walked over to where Lou Ann was waiting on me, I was trying not to limp, cry, or appear like I was completely out of breath and waxed.  I simply asked her if we could walk back.  I wanted to save both of us further embarrassment.  She kindly obliged.  I left that day thinking I would never see this woman again, and with less than zero desire to run.  

Boo Boo and I after the Rock n' Roll Savannah 1/2 marathon

I laugh at my story now, but in the moment it wasn't funny at all.  What's worse is I set myself up for actual defeat when the doubts and fear of failure started piling up and creating dread just hours before we met.  At some point I want to blog about naysayers, those people who say or do things, knowingly or not, that are discouraging to goals.  I think it's equally, if not more so important to become aware of how we speak to ourselves.  Perfectionism, fear of failure, negative self image, negative self talk, doubts, baggage, etc.  As adults, we carry heavy inward burdens and lots of scars around daily.  Even people who train regularly or are goal oriented battle them.  There are mornings where 5am is too early.  There are days where the work list is just too long.  There are mornings when the energy to crawl to the coffee pot let alone run, swim, bike, lift weights, or go to work just isn't there.  There are days where sweatpants and cupcakes are much more attractive than sweat and sports bras.  Those days I often tell my boo (a beloved friend and character in many of my stories), "I'm moving slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."  I think most people say, "the struggle is real." Truth is the energy and will to get it done isn't lacking physically, but the sheer thought is enough to make you want to quit.      

My personal trainer and lifting coach has banned everyone in our gym from saying the word, "can't." In fact he spells it "cax't" and if anyone even whispers it he will yell at the top of his lungs, "DEFINITELY NOT CAN'T!" Followed by some torturous high intensity set of work.  One thing I find is I never regret pushing through the peanut butter and slowly stampeding forward.  You figure out you're stronger than you thought.  That often leads to an iced coffee for me... maybe ice cream or a cupcake for y'all.  I went back to running, and it was hard but it eventually paid off.  If it's not running maybe it's answering e-mail or cleaning out the closet.  In this moment I'm trying to tackle the pool.  Advice and encouragement are appreciated.  I loathe getting in the pool and swimming.  Nothing to do with my endurance.  Beginner's technique and total mental block.  My summer motto is, "Have the courage to touch the butt." More on that later.       

Lou Ann Backolia is a wonderful running coach in the Raleigh area.  She has been my friend and running guru for 3 years and been such an encouragement.  Her website is http://www.offtorun.com/ and she does group runs and one on one training.  I've been using her via online training because of work schedules and she has been wonderful.  Coach D "Nice" Armah (Derek) is my lift coach at Raleigh Personal Training.  Hit him up for boot camps, one on one training, athletic conditioning, team conditioning, and power lifting.  DEFINITELY NOT CAX'T! http://www.itsateamthing.com/         

For the love of Jesus and biscuits

Pearl of wisdom: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving the Lord Christ.” 

I love to start new things.  When it comes time to try new hobbies, put together gadgets out of a box, or kick off new campaigns or projects it’s almost like I get high off of anticipation and new ideas and trying to figure things out.  Only downside is, I don’t always like to finish.  Ask my friends that I’ve started cute little crafty projects for.  I get about 1/3 of the way in and start sending pictures like a cat that is proudly showing off the mouse it caught.  “Look what I’m bringing you.” Ask my friends where the finished project’s at today.  Unfinished, packed in my craft bag in the garage where it’s sat since we moved last summer.  After the newness wears off, the grind sets in, and things become repetitive or difficult I start falling asleep at the wheel.  Where is the challenge? Where did the excitement go? What if this doesn’t turn out how I want it? This is definitely not turning out like I wanted.  Sigh.  Can I get a witness right now or am I alone on this one? Y'all are all probably wondering how I'm married, maintain close relationships with friends and family, and hold a job down right about now.  It's different with people, but I do have moments where I want to pack my husband in the garage.  Ha! 

I’ve been “working on my fitness” intentionally for 3 years now.  For me and a hobby, a difficult hobby at that, that's a long time.  Fitness is difficult when you come from a family that has gravy running through it's veins instead of blood.  We thick people, and mostly proud of it.  

Fit'ness: Translation - I'm bout to fitness whole pizza in my mouth.

I've ran some races, participated (notice I did not say competed) in a triathlon or two, but I do not consider myself an athlete.  There have been plenty of times in the last 3 years of fitness-ing where the newness has worn off and I was ready to start something new... like Netflix binge watching.  I hear it’s the latest craze and everyone loves it.  I ponder being good at Netflix binge watching at 5am after I worked 15 hours the day before and I know I have 4 sets of 8 zerk squats with 115 lbs. ahead of me.  What’s a zerk squat? Should be called jerk squat, but more on those things another time.    

Me after zerk squats.

My relationship with blogging has been very similar to my fitness obsession.  I enjoy writing.  Sometimes for the wrong reasons.  I’ve been told I have a way with words (even if my grammar ain’t so proper).  Might have won several awards growing up for various written short stories, etc.  I felt so good about my writing at some points I developed pride over it which we know can lead to big ego implosions.  After trying to write two blogs and feeling like they offered nothing worthwhile except for some occasional entertainment due to my ability to exaggerate the mundane into the insane, my writer's pride has been humbled and I've frequently wanted to quit.  Most of the posts in the other blogs are what my sweet granmama would call, “dammit dolls.” What’s a dammit doll you say? It’s a rag doll you sling around and yell “dammit” at when things are going bad.  It’s time for a serious refocus, although I still may post a rant or ten over there as needed. 

Thank God for good friends who are inspirational writers and keep me thirsty to keep trying this blog thing.  I like to write.  I love to work out.  After several months of pondering I decided to start a new blog with a focus.  I even spent time doing a little research and such.  I'm learning... Over time my goal for this blog is to write about fitness, nutrition, health, and pieces of my fitness journey but really I want this place to have a message.  I want it to be a message that brings glory to God and shares pieces of a journey anyone whether you lift weights, run, enjoy going for a walk, do water aerobics (eh), or just like to buy athletic shoes can relate to.  A positive message about loving others and developing a love for oneself maybe sprinkled with some humor, encouragement, and seasoning salt.  And I want it to be sustainable.  Something I will want to continue on with because it's fun and maybe just maybe...holistic and helpful.    

Before we really get started on the journey here's the key points about me... I love Jesus.  I’m a young southern woman, grew up on the wrong side of the tracks and moved on up to the upper east side.  I may look like a suburban queen but I still think and act like an old barefoot redneck.  I don't mind being sweaty or having dirty feet.  After Christ there is nothing more important to me than loving my family and my beautiful friends.  I enjoy good coffee, long conversations, sentimental notes, hugs that mean something, and sweet smelling flowers.  I wear pearls while I lift, run, and swim.  I count my carbs but the carbs I "fix" will make you slap your mama and wanna hug my granmama.  I came from nothing and as far as I’m concerned what is “mine” is really borrowed and should be shared.  

For the love of Jesus and biscuits let's get started.  I’m pretty high with excitement right now.  Let’s hope that carries over to blog post #2....