It’s a cold morning in March, 2012. I was sitting in my pick-up with the engine
running, waiting. A week earlier I had
googled looking for running coaches. The goals were to get back into my favorite pair of jeans, and slow down the late night meetings where Carolina BBQ dinners are served physique. Never ran a mile solid, never cared to run a
mile solid.
The lady I had
decided to meet with was a marathoner, certified track coach, triathlete, and
personal trainer. Meeting with a less
than one miler. I had spent the previous
night staring at the weather channel. They
had called for sleet and ice first thing and I was desperately hoping she would
cancel and reschedule. I out-prayed all
of the school kids that night. She
e-mailed at 5:00 am telling me where to meet her. No snow.
No ice. I met her at the Neuse
River Trail at 6:30am.
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| The Neuse River Trail is now one of my favorite spots to bike and run. |
I was fine for the first mile running and walking at
intervals. Coach Lou Ann casually chatted
with me as we bounced along. She told me
about her family and was kindly asking me questions about my personal
life. It seemed so effortless for her while
I felt like I literally drowning trying to keep up
and attempt to not sound like a catfish out of water. I knew we were
moving slow, much slower than her normal pace.
I felt defeated. I was wasting this sweet lady's time.
About halfway through our second mile I realized I had a more
serious problem than my shredded lungs. The
bottom of my gut was about to drop out. The Neuse River Trail is scenic which means no bathroom facilities. Not even a port-a-john. Surprising given it borders several
expensive neighborhoods in the Wakefield area of North Raleigh. I desperately scanned the woods for a
semi-private misery spot. There was a
black canvas blocking a tree protection area off the trail a little
ways. I cut Lou Ann off mid sentence and sprinted
for the woods. I should have been a
hurdle jumper the way I cleared that canvas. Looking up from my position of shame I saw someone's multi-million dollar home and people running and cycling less
than 8 feet away. Pretty sure someone had a glare on their
security camera from my white rear-end shining. On the way back over the canvas wall
following my moment I caught my yoga pants on a canvas spike. (What happened to my
mad jumping skills?) It didn't tear my pants but it tore my thigh. As I walked over to where Lou Ann was waiting
on me, I was trying not to limp, cry, or appear like I was completely out of
breath and waxed. I simply asked her if
we could walk back. I wanted to save both of us further embarrassment. She kindly
obliged. I left that day thinking I would never see this woman again, and with less than zero desire to run.
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| Boo Boo and I after the Rock n' Roll Savannah 1/2 marathon |
I laugh at my story now, but in the moment it wasn't funny at all. What's worse is I set myself up for actual defeat when the doubts and fear of failure started piling up and creating dread just hours before we met. At some point I want to blog about naysayers, those people who say or do things, knowingly or not, that are discouraging to goals. I think it's equally, if not more so important to become aware of how we speak to ourselves. Perfectionism, fear of failure, negative self image, negative self talk, doubts, baggage, etc. As adults, we carry heavy inward burdens and lots of scars around daily. Even people who train regularly or are goal oriented battle them. There are mornings where 5am is too early. There are days where the work list is just too long. There are mornings when the energy to crawl to the coffee pot let alone run, swim, bike, lift
weights, or go to work just isn't there. There are days where sweatpants and cupcakes are much more attractive than sweat and sports bras. Those days I often tell my boo (a beloved friend and character in many of my stories), "I'm moving slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter." I think most people say, "the struggle is real." Truth is the energy and will to get it done isn't lacking physically, but the sheer thought is enough to make you want to quit.
My personal trainer and lifting coach has banned everyone in our gym from saying the word, "can't." In fact he spells it "cax't" and if anyone even whispers it he will yell at the top of his lungs, "DEFINITELY NOT CAN'T!" Followed by some torturous high intensity set of work. One thing I find is I never regret pushing through the peanut butter and slowly stampeding forward. You figure out you're stronger than you thought. That often leads to an iced coffee for me... maybe ice cream or a cupcake for y'all. I went back to running, and it was hard but it eventually paid off. If it's not running maybe it's answering e-mail or cleaning out the closet. In this moment I'm trying to tackle the pool. Advice and encouragement are appreciated. I loathe getting in the pool and swimming. Nothing to do with my endurance. Beginner's technique and total mental block. My summer motto is, "Have the courage to touch the butt." More on that later.
Lou Ann Backolia is a wonderful running coach in the Raleigh area. She has been my friend and running guru for 3 years and been such an encouragement. Her website is http://www.offtorun.com/ and she does group runs and one on one training. I've been using her via online training because of work schedules and she has been wonderful. Coach D "Nice" Armah (Derek) is my lift coach at Raleigh Personal Training. Hit him up for boot camps, one on one training, athletic conditioning, team conditioning, and power lifting. DEFINITELY NOT CAX'T! http://www.itsateamthing.com/
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